Social anxiety disorder has directly impacted where I am at in life. Today I have written about what I have been feeling over the past 4-5 years after my breakdown.
Don't Let Me (You Don't Get Me)
What I am is nothing more than what I will be. My skull remains only a shelter for my thoughts. The limp in my steps is a reminder of battles fought. These scars tell a story from end to end what lies beneath is why I feel this pain. Remove me from your thoughts and hopes. Forget that I even exist. Let me fade away from the captivity of your mind. You never understood. You never wanted to know. Try as you will you'll never care. Let me burn to the core, until all that is left is ash and stone.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Cold or Alive
I was shut off at the age of 12. At the age of 14 I was officially dead inside. Contemplating suicide at the age of 14, I broke down until there was nothing left of me. How does one rebuild after this?
Elementary, My Dear Watson,
It’s funny really how elementary school lives in my mind as a happy time. A smaller group of kids and people to deal with, I became quite comfortable there. I knew everyone and everyone knew me. Now even there though I was the kid that distanced himself from social interaction. For example in kindergarten when waiting to go home I would always be standing by myself while everyone else would be playing. This is really the only place I ever made real friends and even those friends would later be lost.
But... this was only the beginning of a life...
Elementary, My Dear Watson,
It’s funny really how elementary school lives in my mind as a happy time. A smaller group of kids and people to deal with, I became quite comfortable there. I knew everyone and everyone knew me. Now even there though I was the kid that distanced himself from social interaction. For example in kindergarten when waiting to go home I would always be standing by myself while everyone else would be playing. This is really the only place I ever made real friends and even those friends would later be lost.
But... this was only the beginning of a life...
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
You Can't Hold Me
Believe in the lie or accept the truth. I am done with this world.
My time has come and I will take my place far from this empty little space.
It feels like I am trapped inside my own head. Better yet this room that’s held me for so long my prison cell you could say.
My time has come and I will take my place far from this empty little space.
It feels like I am trapped inside my own head. Better yet this room that’s held me for so long my prison cell you could say.
Monday, July 13, 2009
So Sorry And SAD*
The kid so shy and quiet. In the back of the room more then likely. That is me.
I don't like that kid myself, and somehow I doubt that you do.
To him this is the worst thing in the world. All eyes will fall on him even if no one sees it. He's the one on trial here and you're his judge jury and executioner.
Who is he to hide behind his invisible walls of insecurity.
I don't like that kid myself, and somehow I doubt that you do.
To him this is the worst thing in the world. All eyes will fall on him even if no one sees it. He's the one on trial here and you're his judge jury and executioner.
Who is he to hide behind his invisible walls of insecurity.
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