This is NOT Life

The first thing I would like to say is that I am in no way glorifying or recommending self mutilation. With that said, the reason that I am writing about it is so we may all learn something. I don’t know if what I was trying to say comes through or not but this is from my own experience and of what I have seen from others.

This is life...

And when the day comes that my blood is spilt because of you, maybe than you will feel what I felt...

I want to bleed and if I should die from my wounds so be it. Sink that knife in good and deep until the pain begins to fade. Let the rosy red blood come pouring out, watch as it’s all washed away, hatred for myself and the world that spreads the disease that had corrupted even me. Justify the meaning of life with the blood that they made me spill. “This is not the way” they will say. There is a better ending to your story. It burns inside of me, it’s slowly killing me. I can’t take this hate, it imprisons me. Used and abused I’ll take no more of this... For the first time, I want to fade.

My Life and My Eyes

Hello,

Let me introduce myself before the next thing I write…

My name is Andy T Valle and I am a 19 year old male.

The reason I am starting this blog is to try to put my emotions and feelings to words. That’s not to say what I write is good, but it is my view on things expressed to the best of my ability. More or less what I am saying is this is my way of venting everything on my mind. Whether or not you read what I write I leave up to you.

Now today I am writing about Social anxiety, a mental disease that I myself have. I wanted to create a mock speech of what day to day life is like with social anxiety.

Personal Hell (Joke Social phobia Speech)

Social phobia is the "fear of being judged by others and of potentially being embarrassed or humiliated by your own actions." Ha, well that's about right. Yea I have Social Phobia I find it near imposable to talk to new people. When around large groups of people I feel as if I am going to collapse. Standing in front of people causes me to shake and sweat profusely. I constantly feel like I am being judged by everyone around me. Talking to girls... well yea, you can just forget about that one. The hardest thing to deal with is being alone because of it. It does hurts sometimes I will not lie, but that's life with Social Anxiety. My name is Andrew Valle and I have a Social Phobia. This is my Personal Hell and I live it everyday.

For You

I leave you my love notes lost to time and a girl that never cared. They hold no place in my heart nor the girl that never gave me a chance. Remaining stained to this day by the tears of a once broken heart that had healed leaving only scars. Truly they are worthless to me, what love could have been will never be. Buried deep within the words lay my hopes, my dreams, my... love. It was all lost to me; never to be found again. I searched for what seemed like many lifetimes over, to no avail. And now that I am gone, For You I leave these papers, these letters so that maybe someday with some luck you may find what I had lost.

The Failure...

Hate, I love it!! Love, something I live without, forsaken am I forced to stand alone. Fall fail over and over I am on my knees. I try and stand tall on my own failure is what I see painted red on the walls. Blow after blow I take just to make my case. I will not do what they say anymore take the prize you can have it. I care not for this place. This world, I have failed your test I am sorry.

To Save The World,

A world I would die for, a world I would live for. This is not it, where has

that world gone? The world I grew up in, full of love vacant of hate. This

world hates me, it puts me down rips into me, why I loved you I will never

know. Still I search the ruins of our world for what once was. Beautiful

and so innocent it's all been lost, consumed by the hate that we create.

The hate I have faced and they have won. This world is lost and far to

gone. Remnants of the past are all that remain like the dreams of old, what

once was will never be again. Why did it have to end like this, why have I

let this happen, if only I could have saved you from your fate so full of hate.